Silent Musings
by Kawaii Katana
Summary: Quiet musings of the first unit captain, Okita Souji as he recovers in Matsumoto Sensei's safehouse. Could be read as set during Edo Blossoms or a stand alone fluffy one-shot. Attention: author's first Hakuouki piece written in a desperate attempt to upload something though several other pieces are in the works.


A/N: Hello fellow Hakuouki readers. This is the author, Kawaii Katana, welcoming you to my first humble little oneshot. Though, this is officially my first upload for this fandom, it is not my first piece. All of those will be posted by and by. After falling in love with this anime last year and increasingly growing fond of its characters (though initially being highly tsundere to Souji due to my favorite Touken Ranbu sword Kashuu Kyomitsu and his Okita-kun issues. After Souji's death and my three day depression, I can say that he is definitely one of my favorites,) I had to watch play throughs. Yet, watching Souji's original route and then the revamped edition in Kyoto Winds and Edo Blossoms... I fell even more in love with Okichi... Soujuru... Cat and Mouse... whatever you wish to call it. The character of Okita Souji is very dear and reminescent to me...

But, what does that matter to you? You came here for some Hakuouki fic! I was inspired for this by the Edo Blossoms downloadable content... because I couldn't find the scene where she actually comes into his futon. Yes, unabashed shipper. I care not. I hope you all enjoy this. You can consider it me dipping my toe in to test the Hakuouki waters. Enjoy!

And, I have no claim to ownership, just an overactive imagination.

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How many times was this woman going to push herself beyond her physical ability? There she lay upon his floor once again, yet he had no heart to move her. He could have called for Yamazaki to assist him, but in all honesty, he simply didn't want her gone.

His emerald eyes traced the contours of her face, the heart he denied he had swelling with a tingling warmth as he gazed over her fondly. He knew he loved this woman. She had become something far more than companionable to him. She was admirable, in many ways, but it was her resilience for doting kindness that had started to thaw the frost surrounding his heart. At times, he had been far from charitable towards her, yet she continued to remain by his side. He had often questioned the meaning behind this, and now he dearly hoped it was as he speculated. Could it be, impossible as it should be, that she loved him? His heart seized with a hopeful anxiousness he was hardly accustomed to. He hadn't realized how badly he wanted her to love him.

The more he pondered on the subject, the more conflicted he became. He knew he wasn't going to live on to a ripened old age. Chizuru deserved to share a life with someone who could protect her and care for her for the rest of her days, yet, Souji found himself jealous at the thought of any other man providing these comforts.

 _She is mine_ , he thought as he sluggishly pushed himself up from his futon. He managed to pull the covers back and place her within the warm space he had created before joining her as he drew the blankets around them. She had given so much of herself to his care, he had to protect her. He had to keep her safe. He was an idiot for rejecting her goodness and berated himself with heavy internal blows for continuing to do so at times. He wanted her constantly by his side, yet he didn't want to see her hurt by his own hand. He wasn't a good man, neither was he a well one. How could he keep her so close when he was so ill and possibly contagious? There again, how could he let her go when she was rapidly becoming the only person he had, let alone the fact that she had none but himself to care for her? No decision seemed to be the best one for her.

As these thoughts plagued him, he brought her to his chest in a loving and desperate embrace. He needed her now more than ever before. He could be open with those feelings for the moment. No one was going to witness this, not even her. She always seemed to bring out the softest side of him when they were alone. He didn't have to play the role of obedient soldier or sword. For this small moment illumined by the distilled light of the moon, he was just Souji. The Souji that loved Chizuru and wanted to hold her close. These breaths of time were so few for him. The world was spinning too quickly for him to catch a break. Times were changing, the era was dying and yet the Shinsengumi fought on. He was so useless to his friends now. They were sleeping in barracks while he was in a cozy safe house room. It felt phenomenally unfair.

She breathed a contented sigh into the bare skin of his chest peeping from his yukata and a tingle raced up his spine. Is this what it felt like to have a lover? A shared warmth during a placid night, breath intermingling as the most important person in the world rested in your embrace? He pulled her further against him, resting his face against her head. He planted a ginger kiss there, breathing in the smell of her hair. It was a scent sweeter than sakura and it caused him to smile to himself. He nuzzled a cheek atop her head, taking care not to wake her. He needed to feel her body against his, release some of the repressed affection he had towards her. It was becoming something he craved; her touch seemed to heal so many of the wounds left from years of struggle and abandonment.

As he placed a soft kiss to her forehead, the desire for something more pushed him to trail a few more down the bridge of her nose. If he wasn't careful, he knew he would compromise her peaceful sleep. He rested his head upon the futon once again and his gaze fell to her petite lips. What would kissing her be like? What angle was best? He brought his face closer to hers as he tried a few mental scenarios before realizing he was in tremendous danger of acting upon his thoughts. He pulled back, biting his lip as a safeguard against the whim. He couldn't help but smirk at the thought of her squeaking out his name after waking to that, but the scene quickly took way to dismal thoughts. What if she didn't feel that way towards him? What if she was attending to him out of duty? His eyes narrowed as his bottom lip jutted out in a brooding pout. If that was the truth, she could have left with the others. The thought pricked his heart in a most unpleasant way and his irritation was gone as soon as it came. If she left, what would he do with himself? He knew she was making him better, though he couldn't place how it was happening. He wanted to be a better man, even if it was for her sake. He didn't want her to think of him as a cold and calculated killer. He wanted her to beam up at him on a sunny day, call his name, his given one, and thrust herself into his arms. He wanted to nurture her the way she had him, to shower her with affection and whisper her name into the quiet of the night. He wanted to know what touching a woman so easily would lead to. He wanted to know if he could give himself over to someone, to trust them as he never had before. As he cast his view to her sleeping so soundly in his arms, a genuine smile spread across his lips. If anyone could cause him to trust, she could. Her goodness was chaffing away the darkness. He had lost his way before, but he would come back to the right path if she was there to guide him.

He shook those thoughts away and yawned widely. He placed a lasting kiss to her forehead before leaning back and settling for the night. He would have to tease her for this in the morning. After all, she had the most beautiful shade of blush and the temptation was simply irresistible. In fact, the more she reacted, the more he could see what she truly felt. Maybe he could wriggle a confession out of her. That way, he wouldn't have to doubt her devotion. If he knew it as a veritable truth, he could be at ease. He would focus on the war and Kondou-san tomorrow. For now, he was going to be the lover resting with his dearly beloved. With that thought, his lids grew heavy and he drifted to sleep, his cheek resting upon her forehead.


End file.
